One of the most important decisions you will ever make for your children — made simple and clear.
Choosing a guardian for your children is the most emotional and impactful decision in your estate plan. In many ways, it matters more to Missouri parents than anything involving money, real estate, or beneficiaries — because this is about the people who will raise your children if something happens to you.
Yet most parents:
- put this decision off
- feel overwhelmed
- worry about hurting family members
- don’t know what Missouri law actually requires
- assume the court will “figure it out”
But here’s the truth:
If you don’t choose a guardian, the Missouri probate court will choose one for you — and the result may NOT reflect your wishes.
This guide gives you a clear, step-by-step approach to choosing the best guardian for your minor children, based on legal requirements, emotional considerations, and practical realities.
We’ll cover:
- How guardianship works in Missouri
- What a guardian actually does
- What the court looks for
- Common mistakes parents make
- A 10-factor evaluation checklist
- How to document your choice legally
- How trusts prevent money problems
- How to talk to family members
Let’s begin with the basics.
What Is a Guardian in Missouri?
A guardian is the person who will:
- raise your children
- make day-to-day decisions
- provide a home, care, and support
- oversee education, healthcare, and activities
A guardian is not the person who manages your children’s inheritance.
That’s a trustee (more on this below).
Missouri law requires a guardian when:
- parents are deceased
- parents are incapacitated
- no suitable parent is available
And if you haven’t named one?
The judge will choose based on limited information.
How Missouri Courts Choose a Guardian If You Don’t
If you do NOT name a guardian in your will, the probate judge is forced to rely on:
- family testimony
- who files the petition first
- who “appears” stable
- geographic proximity
- conflicting relatives
- financial stability
The judge may choose:
- the oldest sibling
- the closest relative
- someone nearby
- someone with no children
- someone you wouldn’t pick
If family members fight, the court may:
- appoint a neutral guardian
- investigate the family
- delay care decisions
- put children in temporary placement
This is why naming a guardian is essential.
Guardian vs Trustee — Why They Must Be Different
Most Missouri parents make this mistake:
❌ Naming the same person as guardian AND trustee.
In many cases, these roles should be different.
The Guardian
Raises the child.
Provides a home.
Makes parental decisions.
The Trustee
Manages the money.
Protects the inheritance.
Controls distributions.
Ensures accountability.
Why separating the roles works better:
- avoids financial conflicts
- prevents misuse of funds
- adds oversight
- ensures money is used for the child’s benefit
- preserves wealth over time
A trust lets you clearly define:
- when the child gets money
- how money should be used
- checks and balances
- distributions for health, education, and support
How to Choose the Right Guardian (10-Factor Checklist)
Use this step-by-step evaluation to pick the best guardian for your children.
1. Parenting Style
Does their approach to discipline, routines, values, and structure align with yours?
2. Stability
Do they have:
- a stable marriage or partnership?
- a stable home environment?
- a reliable support network?
3. Values and Beliefs
Do they share compatible values around:
- education
- faith
- family traditions
- community involvement
- work ethic
4. Age and Health
Are they physically, emotionally, and mentally able to raise children?
A 70-year-old grandparent may be loving — but may struggle with long-term capacity.
5. Location
Would your children have to:
- move states?
- change schools?
- lose their support system?
Keeping kids near familiar environments can be important.
6. Existing Relationship With Children
Is the guardian:
- already close to your kids?
- someone your kids feel safe with?
- involved in their lives?
7. Financial Responsibility
Even though trustees handle money, the guardian must still be responsible and stable.
8. Family Dynamics
Will your choice cause:
- conflict
- resentment
- pressure
- guilt
- family splits?
This shouldn’t control your decision — but it’s worth considering.
9. Willingness
Some people love your children deeply but may feel:
- overwhelmed
- unprepared
- financially stressed
- uncertain about raising additional children
Always have an honest conversation.
10. Backup Guardians
Choose at least one alternate guardian in case:
- the first choice is unable
- they move
- they become incapacitated
Missouri allows multiple successors.
Common Guardian Mistakes Missouri Parents Make
Avoid these:
❌ Not choosing anyone
The worst mistake — the court decides.
❌ Choosing someone to “keep the peace”
Pick the right person, not the expected person.
❌ Choosing older parents without a backup
Longevity matters.
❌ Naming co-guardians who aren’t married
This creates legal issues.
❌ Not using a trust to manage the money
Children could inherit everything at 18.
❌ Never updating your plan
Life changes. So should your plan.
How to Legally Name a Guardian in Missouri
You MUST name your guardian in a Missouri last will and testament.
A will is the ONLY document where this can legally occur.
The guardian clause typically includes:
- primary guardian
- backup guardian
- reasons for choosing them (optional)
- a statement of parental preference
This becomes strong evidence in court.
How a Trust Complements Guardianship
A Missouri revocable living trust handles:
- inheritance
- money management
- long-term protection
- distributions at age 25, 30, etc.
- oversight and accountability
While the will names the guardian, the trust protects their financial future.
Together:
Will = Who raises your kids
Trust = How inheritance is managed
This combination creates a complete plan.
What If You and Your Spouse Disagree on a Guardian?
This is extremely common.
Here’s what works:
✔ Start with values
✔ Identify deal-breakers
✔ Look for neutral candidates
✔ Consider younger family members
✔ Consider close friends
✔ Ask: “Who will our children feel safest with?”
Many couples find clarity when focusing on the child’s emotional and long-term needs.
Final Thoughts — Guardianship Is Too Important to Put Off
Choosing a guardian is uncomfortable, emotional, and complex — but it’s also one of the most loving decisions you can make for your children.
By naming a guardian in a will and using a trust to protect inheritance, you give your children:
- stability
- security
- a nurturing home
- financial protections
- clear guidance
- reduced family conflict
This is one of the greatest gifts you can ever leave them.
Need Help Choosing and Legally Naming a Guardian?
We help Missouri parents create:
- wills that legally name guardians
- living trusts that protect inheritance
- complete, child-focused estate plans
- done-for-you trust funding
- virtual, flexible appointments