The person you choose as trustee can make or break your estate plan — here’s how to choose wisely.
When Missouri families create a revocable living trust, they often focus on:
- avoiding probate
- protecting children
- ensuring property passes smoothly
- preventing family fights
But there’s another decision that is just as important — and sometimes even more important than the trust itself:
⭐ Choosing the right trustee.
Your trustee is the person (or institution) who will:
- manage your assets
- pay bills and debts
- protect money for your children
- sell real estate
- communicate with beneficiaries
- follow your instructions
- handle tax filings
- distribute funds responsibly
A poorly chosen trustee can lead to:
- family conflict
- misuse of money
- delays
- mismanagement
- probate-style headaches
- even litigation
This guide explains how to choose the right trustee for your Missouri trust — with clear criteria, examples, and common mistakes to avoid.
What Does a Trustee Actually Do in Missouri?
When you pass away (or become incapacitated), your trustee becomes responsible for:
✔ Managing and protecting trust assets
Includes real estate, bank accounts, investments, life insurance proceeds, business interests.
✔ Paying valid debts
Mortgage, taxes, medical bills, last expenses.
✔ Communicating with beneficiaries
Providing updates, answering questions, managing expectations.
✔ Selling property if needed
Often the home must be sold — trustee handles the process.
✔ Investing funds responsibly
Trustees must follow legal standards (“prudent investor rule”).
✔ Managing money for children
Paying for education, healthcare, extracurriculars.
✔ Distributing funds according to your instructions
At ages 25, 30, etc. — whatever your trust states.
✔ Handling taxes
Income tax returns for the trust may be required.
✔ Keeping records
Trustees must maintain accounting records and documentation.
This job requires responsibility, judgment, and communication skills.
Who Can Serve as Trustee in Missouri?
You can choose:
- your spouse
- an adult child
- a sibling
- a trusted friend
- a professional fiduciary
- a corporate trustee (bank or trust company)
- co-trustees (two people together)
- successor trustees (backups)
Missouri gives you great flexibility.
How to Choose the Best Trustee — The Key Qualities
Here is what you should look for:
1. Trustworthiness
This is the #1 factor. Your trustee must be:
- honest
- reliable
- ethical
- consistent
You are giving them control over your entire estate.
2. Financial Responsibility
Your trustee does NOT need to be a financial expert, but should be:
- organized
- good with money
- able to budget
- disciplined
- comfortable making financial decisions
If they can’t manage their own money, they shouldn’t manage yours.
3. Communication Skills
Trustees must:
- respond to beneficiaries
- explain decisions
- handle conflict
- manage expectations
Poor communication is a major cause of family disputes.
4. Good Judgment
The best trustees are calm, mature decision-makers.
Avoid:
- impulsive people
- overly emotional people
- people easily influenced by others
- people who create conflict
5. Fairness
The trustee must:
- treat all beneficiaries equally
- avoid favoritism
- follow instructions objectively
This is especially important with multiple children or blended families.
6. Geographic Proximity (Helpful but Not Required)
Being local can help with:
- real estate
- property management
- accessing financial institutions
But remote trustees can still serve effectively, especially with digital tools.
7. Availability
Your trustee should be someone who actually has time to do the job.
It is a real responsibility.
Should You Choose Your Spouse as Trustee?
✔ PROS:
- knows your wishes
- knows your finances
- already involved
❌ CONS:
- grief and stress could make the job difficult
- may cause tension with children (especially in blended families)
- may not be ideal for long-term money management for kids
Good for simple estates; risky for blended families or large inheritances.
Should You Choose an Adult Child as Trustee?
✔ PROS:
- knows family dynamics
- understands beneficiaries
- no cost
- trusted
❌ CONS:
- may cause sibling conflict (“Why did THEY get control?”)
- may feel overwhelmed
- may lack financial skills
If one child has significantly better judgment, they may be the best choice — but be prepared to explain your reasoning.
Should Two or More Children Serve as Co-Trustees?
Most lawyers advise against this.
Co-trustees create:
- delays (everyone must sign)
- disagreements
- stalemates
- slowed administration
Co-trustees often lead to conflict unless children have exceptional cooperation.
Should You Choose a Sibling or Friend?
Often a great middle-ground choice.
✔ Pros:
- neutral
- usually trusted
- reduces sibling tension
❌ Cons:
- may not know your financial details
- may be older or unavailable long-term
Families with minor children often choose a sibling or close friend as trustee.
Should You Choose a Professional Trustee?
A professional fiduciary can be:
- an attorney
- a CPA
- a trust officer
- a private fiduciary
- a corporate trustee (bank/trust company)
✔ BENEFITS
- expertise
- neutrality
- no family drama
- professional recordkeeping
- long-term planning
- ideal for large estates
- ideal for blended families
❌ DRAWBACKS
- costs money (usually a percentage)
- more formal/less personal
This is the strongest option when:
- you have a large estate
- you have a blended family
- you have long-term trusts for kids
- you want complete neutrality
Choosing a Trustee for Families With Minor Children
This is where the trustee role matters most.
Your trustee will:
- manage life insurance payouts
- protect assets until children reach adulthood
- invest funds
- authorize expenditures
- coordinate with guardians
- control distributions for decades
Best practice:
Choose a financially responsible adult who can work well with the guardian.
Often this is:
- a sibling
- a close trusted friend
- a professional
- an aunt/uncle
- a neutral third party
Avoid choosing:
- guardians who struggle with money
- people who are too emotional
- people who may pressure kids
- someone likely to create conflict
Trustee Selection in Blended Families
For blended families, choosing the trustee may be the most important decision of all.
A poor selection can cause:
- tension between spouse and stepchildren
- mistrust
- accusations of favoritism
- legal disputes
Best options for blended families:
✔ a neutral trustee
✔ a professional trustee
✔ a trusted third party
✔ anyone who can remain impartial
Avoid choosing:
- stepchildren over biological children (or vice versa)
- a spouse if long-term children’s trusts are involved
- co-trustees with conflicting interests
Naming Successor Trustees (Backups)
Your trust MUST include:
✔ First trustee
✔ First successor trustee
✔ Second successor trustee
✔ Option for a professional backup
Life happens.
People become unavailable.
Backup trustees ensure continuity.
The Most Common Trustee Mistakes
Avoid:
❌ Automatically choosing the oldest child
Birth order doesn’t equal responsibility.
❌ Naming all children as co-trustees
This creates conflict and delays.
❌ Picking someone without financial skills
A trustee handles real money.
❌ Selecting someone easily influenced
They must resist beneficiary pressure.
❌ Forgetting about age
An older trustee may become unavailable.
❌ Not naming backups
A trust without backups triggers court involvement.
Final Thoughts — The Trustee Is the Most Important Part of Your Trust
A trust works only as well as the person you choose to manage it.
The right trustee will:
✔ protect your family
✔ follow your wishes
✔ avoid conflict
✔ manage money responsibly
✔ communicate clearly
✔ keep the process smooth and private
Take time with this decision.
It matters.
Need Help Choosing the Right Trustee for Your Missouri Estate Plan?
We help Missouri families:
- select the right trustee
- choose alternates
- avoid family conflict
- build long-term protection for children
- create fully funded trust plans
- complete everything virtually